Poem

If I could
I would erase the darkness of your despair
If I could,
I’d restore the laughter that was once there,
If I could,
I would take away the tears, the heartache, the pain,
If I could
I’d give anything to make it right for you again,
If I could
I’d get that “do over” I once asked for, and hand it right to you,
If it would undo that terrible day, and start it all anew,
If I could,
I’d subtract 5 years of my life, I mean that from the heart,
If that’s what it took to fix it, so she never had to part,
If I could, I would, because that’s what friends are for,
I wish it could go back to the way it was before.
I know I can’t undo it, but I can pray for you,
For God’s love to come, to help see you through,
And that His Eternal light will show you the way,
To find peace in your heart, each and every day.

—Alfred

Wisconsin Dad

Hi Rick,
    My name is Paul Jankowski. I am the uncle of your pharmacist, Amy Hilton.  Thank you very much for taking the time to write to Amy.  She did forward your letter to me.  You are truly a special person to reach out to help a stranger in need.  I had gotten the feeling while reading "Tuesday Mornings with the Dads" that you all have become very good at helping others.

    I am very sorry for your loss of Marc.  You had said in your letter that you can now remember the fun times you had with him.  I am just beginning to be able to do that.  We lost our 26 year old daughter, Emily on June 20th of 2009.  Emily took her own life by overdosing on sleeping medication.  Emily struggled greatly with depression.  She also struggled with dealing with life's problems and problems she created on her own.  I had many, many instances of having to decide to help her or have her learn consequences on her own.  This resulted in feeling tremendous guilt after her death.  Constantly asking myself if I helped her too little or too much. Those first few months I couldn't sleep and had trouble eating.

    Luckily, I have a wonderful family.  My best friends, Jack and Mike were also there to listen anytime I wanted to talk.  It was very hard trying to help my wife, Joan and my daughters, Kayla and Mallory dealing with our loss and then try to get help for myself.  My wife and daughters talked me into seeing a grief counselor in December.  He had me read a few books on losing a child and suicide.  Then in January, Amy sent me "Tuesday Mornings with the Dads".  I got ten times more out of the book than the other books combined.  Reading the stories and observing the way all the dads opened their hearts in the book helped me understand many of the things that I had gone through or was currently experiencing.  I wasn't the only one with the guilt, the unbelievable sadness, the difficulty doing things that in the past that were easy to do, the hard times dealing with special dates, the feeling that a huge piece of me is gone and many other feelings. Knowing that all the dads got through it gave me hope.  THANK YOU and all the dads for writing the book.  It sure helped one dad from Wales,
Wisconsin!!!!

Sincerely,

Paul Jankowski (also an RPh)

New Life

Hi Adolf and Dads group,

I have been meaning to get your information and email you, but haven't done it! Then I saw the web address at the back of the book, and thought I would email. I think your book is beautiful and it is such an honor that it recognizes my dad. He talked about the group quite a bit, and as you know, he went way out of his way to meet with you all, because it meant so much to him.

I can't believe it has been three years now since my dad died - and going on 7 that I lost my brother. It doesn't seem possible. I just had a daughter in May and named her Charley, after her uncle.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for sending me a copy of the book! It is a wonderful reminder that although grief is lonely we are not alone.

Much Love, Katie