Welcome to our Blog. Write your comments, thoughts, and stories. This is a chance for all of us to know the impact and the value of the book. We value hearing for all of you, other Fathers, Family members, and interested parties. Join us in honoring our kids and honor yours by helping those of us left behind to continue forward each day. Looking forward to seeing your posts!
Mark
Friday, September 25, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWe trust that this blog will be a place for Dads to share thoughts about our sons and daughters, our grief and our hope.
ReplyDeleteI received three emails this week from good friends who have passed the book on to Dads that they know who have lost a son or daughter. This is our hope for the book...that it will be meaningful, and helpful, to others.
Jerry
I appreciate that each of you have chosen to share these painful, intimate stories. This book is helpful to connect people of all stripes to your experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book. Great reading about myself!
ReplyDeleteI'm Michael Jones in Losantville, Randolph County. I was born October, Friday the 13th, 1950. My daughter was born December, Friday the 13th, 1974. After our divorce in Jacksonville Florida in 1983, my daughter came to live with me for three years. Her mother talked her into moving back with her. I moved back to Indiana in 1990. In November 2006, Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I ended up in the VA hospital in Ft. Wayne. I spent six days in ICU. The Monday after Thanksgiving, my step-daughter tracked me down from Florida and called to tell me that my daughter April passed away the day after Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday. I was released on Wednesday but it was too late to get to Florida. My ex done had her cremated. They held a memorial for her on Friday, two days after I was released. I never got to see her again. The last time I seen her was in 2005. She left behind two young sons. My ex-wife took one and my step-daughter took the other one. April died from cardio myopathy, heart disease. My ex-wife's father died from the same thing many years earlier. Evidently, she passed that gene on.
ReplyDeleteMy second oldest brother Ernie, his adopted son died January 10th in a vehicle wreck on I-70 south of New Castle. His biological son died exactly one year later the same date. He passed away due to the wrong medicine being prescribed to take together.
Im interested in meetings in the future. Thank you,
Michael
Sept 26, 2009 was the fourth anniversary of Marc's passing. You guys have been my salvation. Thank you for being there.
ReplyDeleteI am also a bereaved father (I live in Connecticut) and I wanted to share my story on your blog...Thank You
ReplyDeleteMy life has been pretty much a good life since my young High-School days. I married a wonderful woman, settled into a good job, had 2 beautiful children, bought my home and had a very fulfilling life.
The happy, fun-filled and joyous world as I once knew existed came to a CRASHING halt for me at 11:00 am on February 20, 2006 and to this day I remember that terrible phone call and everything that followed after the automobile accident that nearly killed my entire family. This is the day I lived every parent’s worst nightmare, I became a bereaved parent. My beautiful 11 year old daughter, Danielle Marie died in a horrible automobile accident and was pronounced dead at the accident scene.
Seeing Danielle for the first time after her death on the steel table covered with a blanket is an image that I cannot erase from my mind. Kissing her and telling her how sorry I was, nearly screaming for her to wake up and sobbing over her lifeless body, wishing I could wake her and take her home. The planning of her service, picking out a coffin and her “final” outfit was done
The indescribable physical, emotional and mental pain was so horrible, that for several days and weeks after Danielle died, and I too just wanted to die to make this terrible pain stop. Yes, even thoughts of suicide filled my mind, just wanting to be with my daughter. Thankfully those thoughts were followed by guilt and remorse thinking of how much more devastated my family would be and how much my wife and son needed me to be “strong” and to take care of them as best I could.
I don’t think there was one day that I didn’t break-down and just sob (for what seemed like hours) for the entire first year after Danielle’s death. All I could think of was the horrible accident that caused her death and that I could not be there to save her. The horrible images of her last moments will haunt me to my grave.
One of the problems that made it very hard for me to share my grief was the injury to Bernice. I couldn’t share this with Bernice because she was recovering from her own very serious injury and at times I felt so alone in my grief I just did not feel like I would survive another day.
The feeling of helplessness and despair lasted for many months and there was no escape from that terrible mental and emotional pain. I again was so distraught; I needed to be put on an anti-depressant in December of 2006. No matter how “strong” we “think” we are…we all need help sometimes.
Another very difficult part of handling my grief is that I have not been able to “move forward”. I have been stuck in that same 4 week time frame for almost 3 years due to the criminal and civil proceedings I have to relive the day of the accident and all that followed each time we have another legal issue, discussion, deposition or litigation procedure. There is NO ESCAPE…even for a little while. No matter how
It is true how EVERYONE grieves differently after such a horrible death takes place in our lives. So many times we have read or heard the NO PARENT is EVER PREPARED to bury a child!
My daughter is on my mind each and every day. I still cry each day, though, now I can (with medication) “handle it” a little better…it still hurts like hell and I would give ANYTHING to have Danielle Marie back with my arms wrapped around her.
I know that I need to be here for my loving wife and son and to make sure that my beautiful daughter Danielle Marie’s life is remembered and honored.
Thanks John, Other Fathers in our group have lost children in accidents and had to deal with the legal system for years. He is a hell within a hell! If you would like to contact them or hear from some of them please use the contact us function and give us contact information for you. I am glad to see that you are receiving professional help and believe you would find other Father's would be great listeners and people to bounce thoughts off of. Best wishes and please contact us again. Mark
ReplyDeleteJohn...my heart aches for you and your terrible tragic loss of Danielle. February is also a month that haunts me forever as I lost both my precious sons, Jake and Travis at the young ages of 12 and 9 on February 3, 2007 in a train/SUV accident..the SUV driven by a good friend of mine with his wife and his son. They all thanfully survived. What you described above in your story flashed back images and emotions of my own experience that will never be forgotten. Please contact any of us as Mark said if you need friends who will listen....Chuck
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! I pray my husband will start participating. We lost our daughter in a car accident a mile from our home dec.14.2003. Nothing the same since. Her boyfriend was driving, had attend her first colts game, she was killed instantly 11 edays before christmas. I have been involved with a bearevment group my husband has not, I pray he will join you gentlemen,this is the most isolating not to mention horrific experience a parent should never experience. As her grave states gone but not forgotten1 At least not by the parents...Thank YOU Tracey Allen
ReplyDeleteTracey, Best Wishes to you and your husband! This is an isolating event for parents. If you will use the "contact us" and give us your contact information we will send further information about our groups to you. We have multiple fathers who's children were accident victims and who know much of what you and our husband are dealing with. Mark
ReplyDeleteHolidays are very difficult for many of us Dads.
ReplyDeleteKind thoughts to all of you on this Thanksgiving weekend,
Jerry
Indianapolis
No matter how difficult this Christmas season may be, remember the great blessings our sons and daughters were to us and always will be and think of the positive ways they affected our lives.
ReplyDeleteMay God Bless you with His love during this Christmas holiday.
Chuck
Greenwood
Subject: Marv Habicht's story
ReplyDeleteThe weekend started out as any other typical weekend. I was at Home Depot early on Saturday morning, May 22, 2004, when I received a call from my wife stating that I needed to get home fast that she had received a call from a friend stating that there had been a fire at the house where my son was living at while attending IU in Bloomington. Our son Nicolas Habicht had just completed his sophomore year at I.U. and had moved out of the fraternity and was spending the summer living in a house with other CG graduates while he attended summer school. There were 4 boys at the house the night of the fire. The fire broke out early around 4:00 a.m. on 5/22/04 . My son woke up and called 911 to summon help which saved the life of one of his friends, Paul Dayment. Two boys had died by the time help had arrived, Jake Surface and Joseph Alexander. My wife and I headed to Bloomington because after receiving the call all we knew was that there had been a fire. We kept dialing Nic's cell phone praying that he would answer it. We were later told they worked on our son for over a hour at Bloomington Hospital to get his heart to start beating again. He was then life-lined to Methodist. On the way to Bloomington we received a call stating that Nic was at Methodist Hospital and was in grave condition and that we needed to hurry. By this time our daughter and son-in-law were on their way to Methodist and arrived first., When we saw Nic he was coma-like and on a respirator. I asked the doctor what were his chances and I was told that he would not make it. They moved Nic to ICU. By this time word had got out about the accident and friends and family had started arriving at the hospital. We arrived at Methodist at about 11:30 a.m. We spent the next night at the hospital as did family and friends. The next day the doctors wanted to remove him from life support. My wife would not let them until they did a brain scan which they did which showed that he did not have any brain function. We had to remove life support at 1:45 p.m. on Sunday, May 23, 2004. We never thought this would happen to our family, it is always someone you read about in the newspaper. Nic was a wonderful son, very appreciative of what we gave him. I honestly don't remember a time when he got upset with us. He loved life to the fullest. Our life has a void that will never be filled. We are very thankful for the time that we had with him and know that one day we will be together. We now have a grand-daughter who knows about her wonderful Uncle Nic and she accompanies us to the cemetery where she brings candy and pictures for her Uncle Nic. Last May marked 5 years for us and
it is still hard to believe that he is gone. Life goes on but it will never be the same without him here with us.
Marv Habicht
Mr. Fritz, A good friend of mine Lene' Davis shared with me that she was worried about the way I was feeling since the death of my son Kyle last September 15th ,three days after his birthday.and that she emailed your group. She and another friend of mine got me the book "Tuesday Mornings With The Dad's" and I just finished reading it and I must say there were so many times that I thought to myself that's how I feel. Kyle and I were best Friends . We ran a Karaoke business together he worked in the same building with me for two years at Carrier Corp.where he worked for Xerox printing our instruction booklets. I was honored Last October when he asked me to be the best man a his wedding. When Xerox lost the contract with Carrier Kyle lost his job, he tried to support his family waiting tables at Applebees and running karaoke shows and DJing but it was hard to keep the wolf away from the door. I found a job on career builders with Ikon office systems and he answered the ad and was hired. His job was to service the copiers for IPL in all of there sites in Indiana, He was really fired up about this job. They had someone ride with him around the sites in the indy area for two weeks and he told me he would have to go to Petersburg In once every four two six weeks or so to service their machines, but they would send someone with him the first time. About seven weeks in to his job he had to go to Petersburg ,I asked him who was going with him and he said they told him just to mapit. I went out on Google maps and maped it for him and he left the next morning at 6AM. At 8:40 the next morning my son and best buddy fell asleep at the wheel struck a tree and was Killed instantly. I have done every thing from blaming myself for finding him the job ,not giving him my car to go south in which might have been a little safer. Being mad at Ikon for not sending someone with him, But I have never been mad at God. Some days I go to work and I think maybe I'm just going through the motions . Alot of the time I wish I could lay down and die, I would never do something to hurry that along because I feel that would be a terrible Sin and I would never get to see Kyle on the other side. I'm so tired of the good intentions of some friends and family who are trying to say the right things but how in the hell do they how I feel, they haven't been down the road I'm on,{I know they mean well}. I come from a family of seven brothers and sisters, and I hate to be at family get togethers because it is awkward no one seem to no what to say. I just don't know how I 'm going to work this out. I feel really blessed that Lene' and Kim found this book for me. Are you gentlemen going to have breakfast this Tuesday? I so would you mind if I showed up. Thank you for writing the book ,it has helped me.
ReplyDeleteTom Suter Kyle's Dad Kyle Thomas Suter Sept. 12 1985 - Sept. 15 2009
Mark, I hope this e-mail message finds it way to you.
ReplyDeleteWe briefly met at the Choice's annual conference, where you were extremely kind enough to provide me with a copy of this publication, following the presentation on the annual award named for my daughter Jessica, who was killed in what became a triple fatality accident, last February. My daughter and her close friend, Julie Sennott, died at the accident scene.
Her fiance and my son-in law, who were both on the passenger side of the vehicle were able to walk away.
Then unbelievably, Michael Dunlap, the fiance, died approximately six weeks later from a traveling blood clot as a result of the accident, that stopped his heart.
All three were social workers in the Lafayette area. Needless to say, the impact on the Lafayette community was enormous.
I feel so privileged and honored that my daughter's memory was part of the annual meeting, and will continue as an award to a deserving recipient.
If I had been killed at the age of 29, or even next year when I'll be 59, there won't be any honoring ceremonies.
I'm not as important or contributing as my daughter was.
I finished reading your story and the others, this past week on the plane rides to and from Phoenix to visit my son over Christmas.
It was tough to read, particularly over the holidays. I'm also trying to finish The Shack, which has similar tremendous sadness.
As I suspected, the stories were gut wrenching, and difficult for me to complete.
I'm also from the north side of Indianapolis, and graduated from Ball State. I'm even acquainted with Marsha Hutchinson, who is friends with one of my older brothers.
Your story was particularly inspiring to continue the devoted love for your son and your grandchildren that survived him.
I'm not sure I understand, "Getting it," completely.
I do share many of the same thoughts that were expressed:
- I don't like going to my daughter's gave site.
- I feel like I have a permanent injury, but it's emotional, rather than physical.
- I don't think about my daughter 24/7, but do think about her morning, noon and night. In fact sometime I feel a little guilty about not thinking about her enough. For that reason, I don't listen to the car radio as much in order to spend some down time, thinking about her.
- I'm more passive about things. The worst that could possibly happen, has.
- My immediate family (wife and son) became even closer, which has also expanded to my older brothers.
I almost feel I'm moving on with my life more quickly than I should, since it hasn't even been a year yet.
Perhaps someday if I'm ever in Indianapolis on a Tuesday morning, I can visit your group.
In the meantime, I'm going to pass these stories onto the other two Dads that lost their daughter and son in the same accident.
Thanks so sincerely for reaching out to me, by sharing this publication.
Chip
William P. McCarthy, CPCU
Vice President
Gallagher Centre
Two Pierce Place
Itasca, IL 60143
Phone: 630-285-3427
Fax: 866-260-7889
checking blog availability
ReplyDeleteI think mimicking popular posts on other blogs is one of the best ways to get a good idea which will be popular.
ReplyDelete-----------------------
Professional Locksmith in Long Island
Hi all, here every person is sharing these kinds of know-how, so it’s nice to read this website, and I used to go to see this blog daily.
ReplyDeleteHonda car dealers in Dombivli
Existing without the responses to the troubles you've sorted out through this aide is a basic case, and additionally the kind which could have seriously influenced my whole vocation in the event that I had not found your site.
ReplyDeleteAntique reproduction furniture Melbourne
It's dumbfounding for me to have a site, which is gainful in maneuvering of my knowledge. abundantly refreshing executive
ReplyDeleteHealth Care Center New York
Hey! Would you mind on the off chance that I impart your web journal to my twitter bunch? There's a considerable measure of people that I think would truly make the most of your substance. If it's not too much trouble let me know. Much obliged to you!
ReplyDeletePremium Auto Sales